


Ice Don't Melt In Mid December

by athanasija



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Family Feels, Found Family, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Running Away, Self-Discovery, Self-Esteem Issues, not from the sleepy bois!!!!, sleepy bois as a family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:55:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27060802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/athanasija/pseuds/athanasija
Summary: Tommy runs, away from the people he came to know as his family, away from his problems, away from the pain not belonging.In the freshly founded village of a group called the Dream Team, will he be able to find what he wants from life before his brothers come looking for him?
Relationships: Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Dave | Technoblade & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, No Romantic Relationship(s), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 19
Kudos: 439





	1. a fish out of water

**Author's Note:**

> hellooooo!  
> hope you enjoy my little story:) im still a begginer, so if you catch any inconsistencies, grammar errors or have any advice, feel free to tell me!
> 
> no idea how long will this story be, im just in the mood for some feels:D
> 
> btw. everything in this story is strictly platonic and is in no way meant to disrecpect any of the creators. if they have a problem with this story, i'll gladly remove it.

_ Fuck this. Fuck this. Fuck this. _

Tommy stood by his closet and tore out whatever clothing came under his hands. Few pairs of pants, some shirts and jumpers, a jacket. It didn’t matter. He shoved it all into the biggest backpack he could find. Then carefully, he squeezed in his only suit and the two discs Philza gave him years ago.

Tommy traced a finger over their shiny black textures. Should he leave them here? They had too much value to risk losing. But that’s also why he had to take them along. He doesn’t plan on coming back.

Above his bed was an old, iron sword. He tugged it free from where two nails held it in place. The blade was chipped and hardly sharp. It belonged to Techno a long time ago, but it would have to do. He could take the overpowered weapons or armour that wouldn’t break under any sword. His brothers had a chest filled with netherite, but no. Tommy was going to create his own, made by  _ him _ and for  _ him _ .

On top of his two shirts, Tommy threw on a blue sweater with an orca stitched at the front. He never understood why they lived in such a shitty place. Too far from everyone else and too cold to see anything but snow most of the year. Summer barely began and it was already ending. Which meant he had to leave now. Wilbur’s sweater should be thick enough to protect him from the weather.

Wasn't it quite funny how he was still bringing a piece of each of his brothers along?

Tommy clutched the knitted wool in his hands. It was Wilbur's favourite, or at least used to be. Tommy snatched it from his brother days ago and he still hadn't noticed. Maybe he won’t ever notice. Maybe he won’t notice Tommy disappeared either.

_ He will.  _ Tommy packed steaks, golden apples and water into his backpack. It made his stomach turn.  _ They all will. _

The ticking clock weighed on him like a stone. It was time to go.

Tommy grabbed at his backpack and it was so, so heavy in his hands, like it wanted to root him to the ground. He swung it on to his back.

From now on, Tommy will have to manage on his own, he  _ can  _ manage on his own. And his brothers- the thought of their faces made him freeze up. What will they look like when they realise he was gone? Will they be disappointed? Sad?  _ Happy _ ?

They surely won’t be worse off; he knew that much. One less mouth to feed, one less person to protect and drag out of trouble. They were the Sleepy Bois. He was just Tommy.

Tommy swung the bedroom door open and bolted through the hall. He thought of the new life awaiting him, just within a hand's reach. The huge entrance door was right there.

This wasn't the first time he tried. There had always been an excuse or fear to make him turn around. Right now, he felt nothing but cold determination (and hesitation).

The first time he tried had been the worst. Nervous and shaky, he ran into Wilbur on his way out. It felt like the floodgates opened and Tommy broke right there in the hall. He hadn't cried in  _ months  _ before that. Wilbur had not seen him cry in  _ years _ . That day Tommy left most of his tears in Wilbur's shirt. Horrified, his brother took him to his own room and held Tommy through the night. He didn't tell Wil a single word, no matter how many questions he asked. All Tommy did was make him promise not to tell Phil or Techno the morning after.

Tommy never cried after that. Just the memory of it filled him with humiliation. He wanted to be self-sufficient and instead had gone crying to his brother like a stupid little kid.

The snow crunched under his shoes once he stepped out. It wasn’t too thick yet. Would there be any snow where he was headed?

Footsteps were littered around the front door and Tommy could immediately tell apart who they belonged to. 

It didn’t snow today yet; all of the footsteps were undisturbed and left here from this morning. His brothers wouldn’t come back until the night came around, busy participating in another event that had no space left for him.

He hoped they’ll win. They deserved it. Sadly, he won’t be there to find out when they return home. But maybe he could wait a moment- only to find out the results and leave another day. 

_ No. _

One day, Tommy will be winning events by himself too. One day, he’ll be known for his skill, not for his brothers. One day, they’ll be afraid to face him in a competition.

But for that day to come, he had to go and show everyone what he's made of.

Jaw set tight, Tommy headed south, towards a new future.

***

The stars were already fading from the sky by the time Tommy pushed his way out of the forest. It had way too many prickly pines and not enough food. His cheek stung where a branch slapped him across the face and his legs ached so much, Tommy thought they were going to fall off. He had been walking for almost two days with only a single nap in-between. To call himself exhausted would be an understatement.

Tommy had traveled across hills, forests and the sea. Everywhere he went was beautiful. But the journey was spent looking over his shoulder, flinching at every little sound, thinking-- did his brothers find him? Was someone trying to mug him? Were those monsters? To keep himself sane, he fantasized of being master at sword fighting, or maybe an axe would be better? He could land a job as a mob hunter or a guard- but making railways didn’t sound bad either.

Few years ago, few  _ months _ ago, this situation would have been unthinkable. Who was he, to run away from the people who had raised him so well, who took him in when he had been left to die? Yet, the thought of staying by their side became more unbearable than the thought of leaving.

Tommy peered at the sky. The sun woke earlier and the air felt warm and gentle on his skin. He shed the jumper and tied it around his waist. Unless he was travelling for an event, the weather rarely felt this good.

A river hummed on the right side, full of fresh, clear water. Tommy was reminded of the cotton feeling in his mouth. He had messed up rationing his supplies and drank the last sip of his water hours earlier. There were no more older brothers to scold him, only give him their own water later.

Tommy jogged towards the river, but then staggered to a halt and groaned. He had thrown out all the empty bottles! Few sips straight from the river should hopefully be enough to fuel him for the rest of the journey.

As he approached the bank, something caught at the corner of his eye. The hill, not far from where Tommy was standing, rose to hide what looked like a wooden roof.

Tommy took a deep breath. Was he finally here?  _ Please _ . Forgetting the water, he collected the last of his energy and ran to the structure.

He came to stand before a house made out of spruce and stone bricks, surrounded by an unusual amount of bamboo. It looked nice and cosy, nothing like the cold stone walls of a castle too big for four inhabitants. He knew Phil did his best, but the only time that place felt like home was when his brothers were around. Which wasn’t very often lately.

He stepped on a small staircase leading to the door. A branch cracked from behind him. Then another sound, a sword being drawn and slicing through the air. Tommy spun on his heel and jumped backwards, narrowly avoiding tripping down the stairs. He came face to face with the tip of a shiny diamond sword. Wielding it was a man, who, for some reason even during night, wore circular sunglasses with a white frame. Tommy could see his own, wide-eyed face reflected in them.

“Whoa, whoa- okay.” Tommy held up his hands. His voice sounded just as scratchy and dry as his throat felt. “Who would have thought the first-time I met the famous GeorgeNotFound, I would almost get stabbed.”

The sword faltered as George’s eyebrows pulled together. They never talked before, but it looked like he was putting two and two together. “Wait, you’re Technoblade’s brother, right?”

Technoblade’s brother, Philza’s brother, Wilbur’s brother. That’s all he ever was to people. All he ever needed when introducing himself _.  _ Did George even know his name?

“Yeah, that’s me.” Tommy glanced down at the blade, still uncomfortably close to his face. George pulled the sword back.

“I thought you were stealing from Alyssa.” George shot him a look. Was he not even going to apologise?

Tommy scoffed. “Me? Stealing? I’d never-” he broke into a sudden cough, that felt like he swallowed thousand tiny knives. “Could I maybe have a glass of water first, please?”

George startled. “Of course. Follow me, I can give you some.”

They walked across a patch of ground covered with blackstone and a Nether portal standing ominously in the middle. Tommy recalled how he had helped Philza collect the stuff for his newest build. But the bastions were dangerous, with too many holes in the floor, too many Piglins and too many chests worth looting. He almost died and that was the last time Philza let him help. It did earn Tommy more PVP lessons from Technoblade, but it wasn’t worth the humiliation.

“You aren’t much of a talker, are you?” asked Tommy after a tense walk in silence.

George stepped on a wooden bridge that stretched towards a house floating in the middle of a lake. “Well, what do you want me to say? Should I have held the sword to your neck and interrogate you or something?”

“ _ Alright _ , no need to be an ass about it.” Great, two minutes and he was already arguing.

“Dream will probably have some things to ask you though.”

Even better. Why didn’t he come up with an excuse?

Tommy followed behind him. He looked down at fish swimming in the water, around a colourful array of sea corals. He didn’t know they could survive out of the ocean.

“Dream?” George called into the house. He entered and motioned for Tommy to follow.

“Yeah?” A man in a green hoodie replied. Even if George didn't call his name, Tommy would have no trouble guessing who the man was. Technoblade’s newest rival and a rising PVP star. Dream was crouched to the ground, hands rummaging through a chest only a few blocks away from them. Tommy had seen him fight, but never really had the chance to speak to him.

Tommy stifled the urge to bounce on his feet. One day he’ll beat this guy too.

“I’ve found us a visitor.” George said as he shuffled over to a different chest with a glass bottle framed on the side.

Dream turned his head. A white mask with a smiley face covered the top part of his face, ending just under his nose. Tommy already had so many questions about it. “Oh.” He paused, then closed the chest. “Hello Tommy. You’re definitely... unexpected. Is everything alright back at home?”

Tommy’s excitement dimmed. People did usually see him with his brothers during events and meet-ups, but that didn’t immediately have to mean something was wrong when he came alone. “Yeah,” he grumbled. “Can’t a guy just go and check a place out? I don’t need a babysitter.”

“Come on Tommy.” Dream stood. “We both know your brothers wouldn’t let you travel such a long distance by yourself. Or did someone come with you?”

“ _ No _ ,” Tommy said. “Is having Mr. Innit himself, not enough for you Dream-boy?”

Dream looked to George, when he went to hand Tommy his promised water. Tommy snatched it as if he was being gifted a stack of diamonds. At this point, it  _ did _ have the worth of diamonds to Tommy.

“I didn’t check, but I’m pretty sure he was alone. He came from the forest behind Alyssa’s house,” George said.

Did Dream see him as some kind of threat or something?

Dream pursed his lips, foot tapping on the ground while Tommy greedily gulped down his water. “Well, I’m sure it’s going to be  _ lovely _ having you here.” A smile played on Dream’s lips. “Welcome to my-  _ our _ ,” Dream corrected himself after George shot him a look, “newly founded village, then. I usually have a better way of greeting people, but you kind of took us by surprise, so I didn’t really get the chance.” He shrugged. “We’re probably smaller than what you’re used to, though I’m sure you’ll enjoy it here regardless.”

It was still more than Tommy had expected. As long as he wasn’t being kicked out, everything was good enough. But all was not won yet. He needed to convince Dream to let him stay for… the foreseeable future. This was the only place that had come to mind when he first thought about running away. If they sent him away, Tommy wouldn’t know what to do.

“It’s fine. Who’s all living here anyway?” Tommy asked.

Dream sat down on a furnace ahead of Tommy. He put up a finger. “So far there’s Sapnap-“

“Oh, Sapnap’s a  _ dick _ .” Tommy said without thinking. The room plunged into silence and Tommy winced. He fucked it, didn’t he? Better apologize now before they- both men burst out laughing.

“I’ve heard you two had a rough start,” Dream sounded amused to Tommy's relief. “But don’t worry about it. Sapnap’s a good guy.”

The first time Tommy met Sapnap was about two months ago. A huge duel between Dream and Techno was taking place and about everyone and their mother attended. Long story short, they immediately went at each other’s throats, arguing about who’s going to take the win. Technoblade did, of course.

“He’s  _ not _ ,” George huffed.

Dream chuckled, but continued speaking, “there’s also Ponk, Alyssa, Badboyhalo visits sometimes and Punz and Tubbo are moving in soon. More of our friends are interested in joining, but nothing’s sure yet.”

Tubbo’s name made Tommy’s heart jerk. It felt like ages since he last saw his best friend. They lived too far from each other, and when there were no events, their only alternative at communication was exchanging hundreds of letters. Impatient, Tommy would always send letters before Tubbo even had the chance to reply.

It was in one of Tubbo’s many letters, where Tommy had first heard about the Dream Team’s new village. Tubbo had hastily scribbled about how his parents finally allowed him to live alone, how he’s going to be much closer to Tommy’s home and how they can finally see each other more. Just in case Tommy wanted to visit, Tubbo included the coordinates. And it all kind of spiralled from there.

He could understand why Tubbo’s parents would allow him to live here. It was nice and warm, already tugging at Tommy’s heart and urging him to stay. _ It's been two days. Are they looking for me?  _ He heard himself ask, but it sounded far, far away.

“Can I live here too?” Tommy blurted out. 

Dream’s lips parted in silence. George’s hand froze mid-air from where he was reaching to take Tommy’s empty glass back. Though he couldn’t see their eyes, the shock seeping from them was loud and clear.

“What would you want to live here for?” Dream tilted his head.

Tommy tensed. They are going to kick him out, aren’t they? Send him packing straight back to his brothers as an even bigger failure than before. “What? Are people not allowed to move out?” he asked. “Do  _ you _ still live with your mum or something?”

Dream chuckled. “I mean, I don’t see her anywhere around here. So, I don’t think I do.” He shook his head. “Actually, when I was about your age, I ran away from home.”

Tommy could hear the blood humming in his ears.

“It was pretty stupid of me, I made everyone worried sick,” Dream said. “But it forced us to finally talk things out.”

“Oh!” George suddenly piped up. Tommy almost forgot he was there. “You returned home like three days later crying, with a skeleton arrow stuck in your arm, right?”

“How do  _ you _ know about that?” Dream whirled towards his best friend.

“Sapnap told me. Obviously.”

Dream groaned, “Of course he did.” He clasped his hands together. “Alright, well Sapnap’s a liar. That's all I'm going to say.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Tommy muttered before George had the chance to open his mouth again.

Dream tipped his head to the ceiling, as if that was the place to look for an answer. “I don’t know. It’s just something I remembered.” With a shrug, Dream hopped off the furnace.

_ Sure you did.  _ This didn’t feel like the ice-breaker type of story you’d tell everyone you just met. Was it that painfully obvious he ran away? He didn’t want anyone to know. It felt… embarrassing, but he didn’t want to go back and  _ talk _ to his family either. Not like there was anything to talk about.

Tommy straightened up once Dream came to stand before him. “Are you sure you want to live here?”

Fire burned in Tommy’s chest. “Dream, between us. I’m the best thing that could ever happen to this village.”

George snorted. “Of course, you are.”

After a long calculating look, Dream said, “Alright, Tommy. I will allow you to live here, in  _ our _ village.”

Tommy’s shoulder sagged down in relief. Dream had no business looking so menacing if he planned to agree in the first place.

“But,” Dream held up two fingers to get Tommy’s attention. “I have two conditions.”

Nevermind, Tommy felt cold again. “What is it?”

“First – you have to follow the rules, obviously. That’s no stealing and no griefing. And basic human morals like no murder, but I probably don’t have to explain that.”

“Yeah, of course.” Tommy nodded. Those are easy to follow rules. It looked like the gates of a new life were opening before him.

“Two – you  _ have _ to tell your brothers about this.”

Tommy stared back at Dream. Million excuses whirled through his head like a hurricane, but the tone of Dream’s voice said he wouldn't budge.

If he refused, he’d probably get sent packing straight back to that cold, stone castle. If he got sent back, what would he be? A stupid run-away kid who got caught two days in and sent home with a slap on the wrist and shame dragging at his heels. Being sent home meant his whole life would return back to normal. Returning back to normal meant going back to being a good for nothing kid, who everyone thought they had to protect.

It would be funny if he got sent back, only to find out his brothers realized how much better they are off without him.

But if he told them, they’d come straight over- or they  _ wouldn’t _ . He didn't want to know which one it would be.

“Make me  _ bitch boy, _ ” Tommy replied, with no regard to his current situation.

The sigh Dream let out must have taken all the air from his lungs. “Alright, you don’t have to do it  _ now _ . But next time I see Techno I don’t want to have to be like: ‘hey, I have your kid, hope you don’t mind.’”

“What makes you think they don’t already know I’m here?” Tommy challenged, though he did kind of just admit they didn't know.

“ _ Tommy _ .” Dream’s voice made Tommy straighten up, he could almost feel the way Dream’s masked eyes bore into him.

“Okay, okay.” Tommy gave up. He’s not fooling someone like Dream with this one. He probably wouldn’t fool anyone, except Tubbo maybe. “I’ll write to them later.”

He won’t.

After the near disaster, they toured Tommy around the village- if you could even call it that. For a place that was already so well-known, it was almost jarring how small it was. What Tommy initially thought to be someone’s shitty house (Sapnap’s probably), was apparently the centre of the village, the “community house.” Shouldn’t something so important be a lot… grander? Phil always made sure to make each of his builds big and significant, with its own story he’d tell Tommy every-time he’d show him around.

Rest of the village consisted of a few farms, Alyssa’s house, Ponk’s huge lemon tree, the Nether portal, Sapnap’s house (which was a little less ugly than Tommy expected), a watchtower and for some reason a court-house with two jail cells.

“Anytime you misbehave, we’ll lock you in there.” George pointed at one of the cells.

Tommy laughed nervously. “What the fuck?” 

Dream and George kept making similar comments along the way, poking fun at Tommy who would poke right back. It made him feel at home.

Dream circled them back to the community house. “Well,” he closed the door. “That should be everything.” He turned to Tommy. “I officially welcome you as the newest resident of our village, hope you enjoy your stay.”

Tommy grinned. “Oh, I’m sure I will.” He was a man now. On his own, with big plans ahead. He’ll show everyone what he’s capable of. 

If he was capable of anything at all.


	2. friends until death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for the nice comments ;-; i wanted to respond but felt too shy, but just know i still really appreaciate them!
> 
> sorry this took so long, but i'm kinda slow and i hate editing soooo much. but i'll try for minimum one chapter a month.   
> hope there aren't any inconsistencies bcs i got holes in mah brain. 
> 
> hope you enjoy:)  
> \---  
> updated the summary and added some new tags

The past two days were a wretched time to live through. Or so Tommy realised the second his head hit the pillow. 

_ Dear Ender dragon, “wretched,” really?  _ He was begging to sound like Wilbur.

Fucking shit and exhausting would be a better way to describe it. A single lit furnace was cooking steak, but he hardly felt like eating. Food will have to wait until a higher priority was met. Sleep. The last time he slept was over a day ago, as his body enjoyed reminding him.

Dream had offered a temporary bed at the community house, but Tommy refused. He wanted something  _ his _ .

Something  _ his _ turned out to be a hole hollowed out at the foot of a hill. Admittedly, it might have been a bad decision. The place was cold and weirdly wet and smelled of dirt (because most of it was  _ dirt _ ), he was too weary to bother making it nicer. But if nothing else, it was dark. The afternoon had approached fast and after Dream and George finished touring him around, it was too sunny outside for a comfortable sleep. But the bed was comfortable, almost like the one at home.

Rest still didn't come to take him out of his miserable thoughts. Closing his eyes felt like ice and snow and falling down through freezing waters with no hopes of hitting the surface nor the bottom.

Sometimes he heard his brothers calling his name, but he let the currents carry him away from their voices.

He had nights like these before. Often too, when he was younger. He used to simply clamber into bed with one of his brothers, or play with toys until he passed out on the ground. As all of them turned older, at least one person would be awake at the dead of the night and allow Tommy to stay for as long as he needed.

Wilbur would sometimes pull out his guitar and play tunes that would lure Tommy right to sleep. To Wil’s dismay, Tommy often crashed on his bed.

Sometimes, Tommy hated Wilbur's musical talent. His brother worked his way up to being one of the best musicians Tommy knew. It was just another thing his brothers excelled at, while he- was just there. The youngest, untalented brother of the Sleepy Bois. Those thoughts felt like poison.

An odour of damp dirt in the air. Voices Tommy didn't recognize came from outside, guy and a girl. They seemed lightyears away to care.

If being useless meant falling asleep in Wilbur’s bed as his brother slowed down the song on his guitar into a lullaby, if it meant waking up to Wil snoring next to him, if it meant charging to the kitchen to greet Phil and Techno, it might have been worth staying. But it would have never gotten him anywhere.

Tommy promised to himself he wouldn’t cry anymore. He felt like the deep cold lake near his old home. It was covered with a blanket of ice and snow that would trick you into thinking you were stepping on a safe and solid ground, only to drag you to the depths. He pressed his face against the pillow to stifle whatever was trying to get out. He pretended not to notice the wet spot rubbing against his face.

***

After the nap Tommy felt a thousand times more himself. Of course, he did! Tommyinnit wasn't the type to waste time crying into a pillow. Tears were useless when you had shit to do. His brothers surely hadn’t spent nights crying either.

The sound of Dream's voice carried itself to Tommy. He definitely had to build his base up soon or he won’t be getting a wink of sleep with everyone's yelling.

Half-way through getting out of bed, Tommy stopped short. Someone else was with Dream. Tommy threw open the double door to his dirt shack. “Tubbo!” he cried out.

A boy with brown bangs and bewildered eyes looked back at him from the wooden path. “Wait-  _ what? _ Since when are you-  _ Tommy _ ?” Tubbo exclaimed.

Dream chuckled. “Like the surprise."

“I- yeah. Man, at least prepare me little next time.” Tubbo placed his hand over his heart.

“Alright," said Dream with a laugh. “That’s the end of our tour. I hope you enjoy your stay here.” He waved his hand and disappeared past Ponk's lemon tree and down the stairs leading towards the community house.

“Oh! Thanks Dream,” Tubbo called back.

“Tubbo!” Tommy repeated with a grin. “My friend, guess what? You won’t have to deal with the letters anymore.”

“Man,” Tubbo sighed. “Why didn’t you tell me you’re also coming here? I could have been more excited or something.”

Tommy burst out laughing. “Ooh, you wouldn’t handle the excitement of knowing you’re going to live near TommyInnit.”

“Eh,” Tubbo shrugged. “I think I would.”

“ _ Dickhead. _ ”

They both looked at each other with evenly matched glares. Tommy’s lips twitched and he spread out his arms. He had missed his best friend too much to pass up on a hug.

Tubbo dropped his fully stuffed backpack. Arms wrapped around Tommy and he answered by clapping Tubbo on the back. The solid weight of another body against his made Tommy feel more grounded that he had been in weeks.

They pulled apart seconds after it started feeling awkward.

“Where did you even come from?” Tubbo turned his head from right to left.

He did  _ not  _ want Tubbo to know what mess he got himself into.

Tommy pointed behind himself at the entrance hole in the wall. “That’s my base.” The look on Tubbo’s face said was trying very hard to come up with something positive to say. Tommy huffed. “Can't you look more repelled? I'm still working on it, asshole.”

"Sorry, sorry," Tubbo laughed. “But wait, you’re actually serious? You are staying here?” Tubbo asked. The fact his best friend will practically live next door sounded too good to be true.

“ITubbo, ’m always serious. I mean come on, you’re not the only one trying to be a grown man and take responsibility.”

“I thought you already were a man-“

“What I was thinking is, first, I’m going to finish my humble abode. Second, I’m going to get good gear and then…” He hadn’t actually thought that far ahead, he just didn’t want to seem like he had no idea what he was doing. “So what are you planning to do Tubbo?” Tommy said in a hurry.

Tubbo was silent. Did he find Tommy's sudden appearance suspicious? 

Hesitantly, Tommy asked, "Tubbo?"

"I just- this is awesome! We never had the chance to be this close before."

_ Oh.  _ He was just excited.

Tubbo picked his backpack off the ground. “I haven't decided actually. I’ll probably just build a house and get resources. But my mum talked to me before I left and my parents want me to keep sending them letters, so that's annoying."

"Yeah," respondes Tommy awkwardly. "We could go mining together, like we wanted to one day. I was thinking of making a mine in my house."

"You know I can't refuse that type of offer, Tommy. You know just what to say." Tubbo pulled out an iron shovel. “To the caves!”

After crafting a bunch of ladders, they picked a corner in Tommy’s house and started digging. Tommy mined the dirt and stone under his legs and Tubbo made sure they had a light and a way to get back up again.

The air chilled Tommy’s lungs. It had been a long time since he went so far down.

Wilbur would have hated it here. Being deep within the ground made him nauseous even hours after he reached the outside world again. At least one thing Tommy was better at.

Tommy swung his pickaxe again and again. They decided to go until they found a cave or were deep enough for diamonds. The ground was alright to dig and they only had to return and craft a new pickaxe once. Tubbo's backpack had been surprisingly loaded with items. He even had a smaller one to take up less space in the caves.

On the next swing, the ground under Tommy's feet disappeared. With a shout, he began to fall into a bottomless pit. Just when his life was ready to flash before his eye, a hand gripped his arm harshly. Tubbo barely managed to catch him. Tommy’s free hand shot up to grip the ladder his best friend was hanging onto.

“Holy  _ fuck _ ,” breathed out Tubbo. “Are you alright?”

With trembling hands, Tommy used his pickaxe (hell, how did he not drop it?) hollowed out some space in the wall beside them. “Fuck  _ no _ ,” he let out a strangled laugh. “I think we’ve just found our new mine.”

They stood on the edge of a huge ravine. Stretching like a yawning maw in all directions.

_ Fuck.  _ He would have been dead if it weren't for Tubbo.

Tubbo placed some cobblestone over the hole. “Do you maybe want me to do the mining for now?”

Tommy blinked away from the ravine. “Eh- yeah, for now.” Tubbo took out his own iron pickaxe and got to work.

They slowly descended along the wall of what could have been Tommy’s grave. Philza would have murdered him himself if he knew. He always warned him not to dig down. But Tommy never cared to listen.

Y _ ou never know what’s right under your feet.  _ Then he had tickled his legs until Tommy broke down in giggles and he had hoisted Tommy onto his shoulders to show him around the mines below their base.

Tommy rubbed at his temple, like the memory was some nasty headache. It happened a long time ago, it didn’t matter now.

Even from the bottom the ravine looked  _ huge _ . Lit-up by a singular torch, the roof was blanketed with darkness and looked like an endless void of space. Rattling of bones and groaning came from different directions. Tommy tensed, he wasn’t used to facing mobs, but it didn’t sound like many. Him and Tubbo could kill them if necessary.

“Do you want to explore the ravine or should we keep mining?” Tommy asked.

Tubbo looked around. The flamelight danced across his face, jaw set tightly. “I think we can explore later. When we have better gear and such.”

Tommy didn’t find the idea of going through this massive, dark space appealing either.

“Okay, I’ll light a few torches and then we can-”

“Leave it,” Tommy waved his hand, “we’ll need them if we want to go on further.”

Pickaxes in hand, they mined forward. The whole time, they stayed side by side, it might have been inefficient, but better than the oppressive loneliness of being deep underground. Anytime the conversation faltered, Tommy found himself slipping, slipping back home. Were his brothers worried, searching through every gap to see where he had gone? Or worse, what if they weren’t?

Sweat began to form on Tommy’s brow. The stone walls were cold, but swinging his pickaxe quickly depleted his energy. The exit to the ravine wasn’t visible anymore by the time his arms began to protest. Tubbo didn't look much better either.

“Yeah, I think that’s enough.” Tommy stopped. He collected enough ores to last for a while. His backpack felt awfully heavy.

“Do you wanna head back already?” Tubbo squinted at him in the dim light of a torch that was too far away to offer proper light.

“Tubbo, you look ready to faint and bang your head on the wall. I should be asking you that.”

“I mean, a bit of coma doesn’t sound too bad right now.”

Tommy burst out laughing. “Okay, Tubbo. Let’s leave now, because I’m sure as hell not carrying you back.”

A few steps later and the end of their mine appeared in the distance. Torches flickered around them. For the first time in a very long time Tommy felt a tiny flame come alive in his chest, smaller than the light of any torch around them, but still there. 

“I missed you, big man,” Tommy muttered. Just for now, it felt alright to say.

“Aww, I missed you too.”

“Seriously? We could have had a moment,” Tommy scoffed. “I told you not to  _ aww _ at me.”

Tubbo hiccupped with laughter. He knew very well what he was doing. “Sorry, sorry.”

“Oh, I’m going to make you  _ sorry,  _ bitch.” Tommy grabbed at Tubbo and ruffled his hair.

“Ow! Stop,” Tubbo’s moan of pain might have had a better effect if he wasn’t giggling all the way through it.

“Yeah, bitch-“ Tommy froze. A clang of bones, a groan from a zombie and hiss that could have been a spider or a creeper. They were at the end of the tunnel and it seemed like they weren’t alone.

Tubbo’s gaze was fixed ahead, eyes wide. “Oh no. We should have placed more torches. You reckon they heard us and gathered around?"

_ The torches will keep mobs from spawning, so keep them on you when you go mining.  _ Philza had said to him.

And he should have listened to him. Why did he have to be so fucking stupid?

He let go of Tubbo. “We weren’t here that long, there shouldn't be many of them. The stairs are right across. We can make a run for it and deal with whatever bitch gets in our way,” Tommy muttered. “We I say  _ go _ , you fucking run and run  _ fast _ .”

Tubbo’s face was pale even in the warm flamelight. “But you have to take this.” He pulled out an iron sword that had been attached to his hip. It was sharp and barely chipped, nothing like Techno’s old sword. The thought of having to fight sent a rush of panic through Tommy’s veins. He took the sword.

Tubbo pulled out an iron axe from his backpack. His grip turned his knuckles white. “Go!” he shouted without waiting for Tommy’s signal.

_ Idiot.  _ Tommy cursed inwary. He rushed after Tubbo into the open space of the ravine. He stopped dead in his tracks. It wasn’t ‘just a few mobs.’ Crowding around them must have been around fifteen monsters. The sword almost slipped out of his hands. Their vacant eyes made him dizzy.

Tubbo backed away. They were fucked. The mobs were blocking the stairs. If they wanted to get out they would have to fight. Tubbo caught their attention immediately, he was the closest, the one who rushed in like an idiot.

Zombie swiped at Tubbo. Panicked, he swung his axe and with a sick crunch of its skull brought the monster down.

Tommy felt himself go cold. Behind Tubbo, one of the skeletons was already aiming his bow, pointing right at his best friend. “ _ Tubbo! _ ” he screamed.

The arrow struck his calf before Tubbo had a chance to register what was happening. He let out a gut-wrenching cry and buckled to his knees. He gripped at his pants as they already began to colour red.

This was it, Tommy thought. The monsters noticed him too. Maybe he wasn’t meant for greatness. Maybe he was meant to hide in his brother’s shadows or risk getting his head sliced off the second he peeked out. The mobs that blocked the stair began to surround Tubbo, who was too wrapped up in his own pain to notice.

No matter what bullshit future that was planned out for him, there was no fucking way he was dragging Tubbo down too.

“You bastards!” Tommy screamed and swung his sword at the closest zombie. He missed. His arms felt like jelly and his legs wouldn’t  _ fucking _ move.

_ “Now, the first important thing is, you can’t let yourself get scared. The second your freeze instinct activates, it’s over. You’re done.”  _ Technoblade’s words rushed through his head.

But so did Philza’s laughter.  _ “By the Ender dragon, Techno. Now he’s going to freeze up because of you. Don’t worry too much Tommy, you can just shout at us and we’ll come help you.”  _ Except there was no-one to help him now. He ran from the people who gave him home and now he was going to pay for it.

A spider bit into his leg. The piercing pain made him snap back. Freezing meant death. He slammed the sword down, slicing through the spider’s body and causing it to crumble to dust.

Tommy shoved a zombie out of his way and pushed towards Tubbo. He hissed at the pain from the spiderbite, it almost made his legs buckle. But he couldn’t stop, his friend had a group of five mobs surrounding him. Tubbo brought the axe down at a spider who was ready to lunge for his neck. The creature crumbled, but Tubbo was forced to drop the axe when a zombie bit his arm.

“ _ Hey!  _ Hey, stop it, you fucking-“ Tommy ground out through his teeth. He sliced the zombie’s head off. He might know the bare basics of fighting, but he still knew that going for the head was sometimes better.

Tommy grabbed Tubbo by the arms and hauled him up. “Go, Tubbo! Just go! Get out of here.” He shoved his friend towards the staircase.

“But- but,” Tubbo stuttered. The hand in which he held his axe just a minute ago grabbed at empty air.

An arrow struck Tommy’s side and he moaned in pain. “ _ Go! _ ”

He swung his sword directly at a zombie’s head and another attacked from the back, tearing its nails through his skin. Tears blurred Tommy’s vision. He should have begged Technoblade to teach him more. Tommy shook off the zombie and spun around to feel his sword slice through its flesh. A skeleton quickly replaced. Tommy’s hands trembled. He was never going to see his brothers again, was he?

The skeleton fired sooner than Tommy expected. He tried to dodge, but the arrow lodged into his bicep. The sword almost fell out of his hand.

He had to make sure they wouldn't follow Tubbo.

Warm blood coated his skin and as Tommy kept slashing, hitting and slicing, he slowly lost track of where he was injured and where he wasn’t. Everything hurt too much to tell. His legs were beginning to fail him. One of the last few zombies lunged at him and Tommy knew he wouldn’t be able to move out of the way.

A crack. An axe splitting the monster’s head. Tommy stared past the crumbling creature at Tubbo. He was leaning against the ravine wall, panting. He had thrown the axe. Tommy grit his teeth. “Get out of here you idiot!”

“I’m not leaving you to fucking die here!” Tubbo screamed back.

What else did Tommy have besides his life? He didn’t have Techno’s nor Philza’s skill to get out unscathed. Or Wilbur’s sense to never get into these situations in the first place. As much as he wanted, he had never been like them. All he could do now was make sure that at least Tubbo made it out alive, to die knowing he did something useful.

Last two zombies, a skeleton and a spider remained. Until with growing horror Tommy noticed a creeper slinking towards them from the shadows. He was caught in between them. Tommy's muscles shook. Did he at least fight well?

By the Ender dragon, he really didn’t want to die.

Tommy sucked in a breath. His eyes searched for Tubbo one last time. The other boy was looking at him with pure terror, the shadows of the ravine made his face look ghastly and pale. He kept shaking his head. As if that could stop Tommy now.

There was only one more thing Tommy could do. He looked to the creeper on his right, his legs tensed. He bolted behind it. With all the strength left in his arms he  _ showed _ . The creature went tumbling forward, straight into the other mobs. It hissed and hissed and hissed.

Tommy felt the blast before he heard it. The ground under his feet was gone and he was flying. Is this what Philta felt when he stretched out his wings and took to the skies? 

His back scraped the ground. There was a split second, where he couldn’t see anything, feel anything. The whole world was dark and blurry. Was he dead?

A smoking hole in the ground. And then Tubbo came into view, limping towards him like a lame zombie. He looked like he was crying, but he was too blurry to tell. His mouth was moving, but Tommy couldn’t hear a thing.

Tommy felt himself smile. Tubbo was safe.

-

Waking up to find the house empty always used to be one of his nightmares. Until it came true. Mother, father and all their items and food were gone.

Waiting brought nothing but dust piling in the empty spaces where mother’s and father’s things used to be. He was alone.

_ Tommy, hold on. Please. _

Have they forgotten him? Had he done something wrong? Or did they ger lost on their way to the village?

His belly was rumbling and his mouth felt funny, like he had stuffed it with cotton.

Was he being punished for tripping and smashing their only bottles of milk the other day? Father had not hit him and mother only cleaned the mess up in silence. That wasn’t their normal behaviour and he did not like it.

_ What the hell happened, Tubbo? _

Nobody came even the day after. His belly was one big ball of pain, he felt so sick he couldn’t feel the hunger anymore. Crying made him sicker he found, but he didn’t care enough to stop.

He managed to find a bucket filled with rain water outside, but he spilled half of it when he tried to lift and get a drink. He had to resort to drinking like the village dogs did.

_ We have to get him out  _ now _. _

Angry dark clouds were gathering on the horizon. Bunch of scary storms passed over their heads lately. Father had to be repairing the house weekly, while despairing villagers came to their door, asking if they had seen their family members or friends. People often got caught in the storm and never returned. He didn’t want to be alone in the rain.

Then he figured, maybe his parents were waiting in the village, waiting for him to come and prove he had learned his lesson. No more wasting food.

_ Sapnap and George, you stay and clear out the cave. _

He set out without anything to his name. It felt like he was doing it all wrong. In the stories an old farmer from the village used to tell him, every traveller had a bag to sling over their shoulder and a sword attached to their hip. But he had nothing and he was too weak and too exhausted to carry anything more than his own body.

But the storm came faster and stronger than he expected. Thunder boomed overhead, making him bolt and run until all the rest of his strength gave out. Zombies groaning in the distance was what kept him moving. The road was old and mossy, different from the gravel he had travelled with his parents so many times before. He had no idea where he was.

_ Does anyone have a healing potion? God apple? Anything? _

Sniveling, he settled in the grass by the road. The sky kept flashing and the rain had him drenched to the bone. His head rested on the soft grass. Maybe if the monsters find him, they’ll mistake him for a rock.

Soon, his eyes became hard to open and his throat burned with every breath. Mother always said not to go out in the rain or he’ll get sick. Will they punish him for that too? He didn’t care as long as he got to see his parents.

_ I have a healing potion. _

Puddles splashed from up the path. He cracked an eye open. Shoes entered his vision and he looked up. The stranger had an iron sword at their hip ( _ like a true hero _ ) and stared at him through wet pink hair. It was a boy, a kid, but standing there with a weapon at his side and hardly bothered by the rain, he looked older. A king from a fairy tale. Except kings should wear a cooler expression on their face. This boy looked startled.

He wanted to ask the boy-king if he had seen his parents. But he was so, so sleepy. He chose to close his eyes instead; he’ll ask him after a long nap.

_ Punz! _

He woke to his body being jostled around. The boy pulled him up on his back. Floppy pink ears were hiding in the nest of equally pink hair. Was this a hybrid? He had never met one before. Father didn’t speak of them very well, but this boy didn’t seem like a ‘nasty trash.’ Instead, he smelled like clean clothes and fresh morning air.

Neither of them spoke a word as the boy carried him through the wind and the rain, unafraid of monsters nor lighting. Even when he began to stagger after what felt like hours of walking, he kept on. Never giving up on the kid he found at the side of a road, never letting him go. Maybe he  _ was _ a king after all.

_ Don't worry, Tommy will be alright. _

Tommy? That was his name now, right?

His body grew heavier and taller. The stranger beneath him no longer had pink hair, but sandy blonde, with some stupid string tied around the back. He smelled like pine and metal. And blood, but that might have just been Tommy.

He was being carried somewhere. The air was charged with an upcoming storm. But he didn't get to thank the boy who saved him yet.

Tired, Tommy let his eyes fall closed with a sigh. He'll do it later.

Hair brushed his cheek as the man beneath him shifted. “Tommy?”

But there was no time to answer, Tommy was already plummeting to those deep dark waters in his mind.

***

The sheets on top of Tommy’s body felt as fluffy as snow piles looked. He buried his face into a pillow, refusing to open his eyes. Tommy frowned. Did Philza get new sheets? But he didn’t remember changing them…

Tommy’s eyes flew open. He could barely make out the wooden walls and ceiling around him. No fucking way, he was alive. 

Patting his hands across his body revealed no hidden wounds or aches. Everything was attached and intact. 

It was a relief beyond reliefs. Tommy let his head fall back onto the pillow. 

There were no qualms about what happened. The cave. The mobs. Tubbo.  _ Fuck, Tubbo. _ Was he alright? He was fine when Tommy blacked out, so he better be unless he pulled something stupid.

Tommy wanted to feel proud of what he did in that cave, but ultimately, he didn’t know if he deserved to. He had almost died. All because he was being careless about the light, because he couldn’t handle a fight.

Sitting up, Tommy pulled up his knees to his chest. He couldn’t let shit like that happen again. He had killed them all, but they were just a bunch of mindless monsters. If he ever faced anything worse, he’d be dead. Not mentioning it was all  _ his  _ fault in the first place.

Tommy didn’t want to think about it anymore. He should find Tubbo and demand to know what the hell happened after the explosion. Tommy shivered. He could almost smell the gunpowder.

He focused on the room around him. The place was very dark, no windows around to illuminate it. The only source of light was streaming in from under a door on the opposite wall.

Where the fuck was he? It was almost a prison cell. 

Carefully, Tommy slid off the bed. The floor was covered in what was probably a lime green carpet. Otherwise, the room was pretty barren. A single bed, double chest, crafting table and some furnaces. As far as Tommy could see, that is. Whoever lived here didn’t bother with decorating.

A creak had Tommy’s head snapping to the opposite wall. Slowly, the door opened. Light from the hall pooled in and Tommy shielded his eyes.

“Tommy!”

“Dream?” He squinted. “Where the hell am I?”

“In my base,” Dream chuckled and entered the room. He sounded relieved. “Because if I left you in the community house, you’d never get enough sleep to recover.”

“Oh… thanks, Dream. Is Tubbo alright?”

“Yes! A little freaked out, but yes. He managed to heal up and went running for us. Because me, George and Sapnap were nearby, we got to you in time. You somehow didn’t get finished by the explosion, but when I saw you I honestly didn’t think you’d make it. Punz--he’s the one I was telling you is coming over--arrived while I was carrying you here. He had a single healing potion on him. You had so much luck it was like the world didn’t want you to die.”

“So I got saved?” Again and again.

“Well, yes. But if you didn’t kill all the monsters neither you nor Tubbo would have been here.”

Tubbo was alright and he was too. It shouldn’t matter how it happened, only that it did. But Tommy felt bitter, he fucked up.

“You are going to tell my brothers, aren’t you?”

Dream hesitated and instead walked past Tommy to light a torch by the bedside. He turned back. “Tommy, you almost got yourself killed, away from your family, without any of them even knowing you are here. Tell me one good reason why I shouldn't send them a letter right now.”

Hundred and one arguments flashed through Tommy’s head, but none of them were convincing enough. He stood there, desperately clawing for a way to change Dream’s mind. He gave him a chance before, surely he could do it again? “Because- uh, there’s just nothing for me back home, Dream. I doubt they’d let me stay here once they find out and what the hell would I do home? It’s useless for me to be there.”  _ I’m useless. _

Dream studied him. “And it’s not useless for you  _ here _ ?”

He wasn’t sure. He didn’t know what he wanted to do, he didn’t even know how long it would take. Tommy shrugged. “It’s not like I had the chance to figure that out yet.”

“I can’t say you’re making a very good case for yourself.”

Tommy stared into the torch’s flickering flame. He had a redstone lamp in his room, all he ever needed was to flip a lever. But the flame called to him, resonating with the spark in his chest. He was a volcano surrounded by ice and snow; cold, but ready to awaken any minute and melt everything around it. And even though he fucked up, he was not ready to give up.

“Dream,” he blurted out. “You said you ran away from home too, right? You have to understand how I feel.”

Dream sighed. Was that a low blow? “I know, Tommy. But what are you trying to gain here? You can’t hide from them forever, hoping you’ll one day find some divine purpose. I don’t want to discourage you, but most people aren’t called to a grand adventure where they find their life purpose, they just simply live their lives. When will you be satisfied with what you have to talk to your brothers again? They’ll come looking for you soon, Tommy. And when they do, I don’t want you to run from them again, because then you might never stop.”

Everything Dream said felt like a punch to his gut. The fact that he was probably right gave it extra strength. 

“For Herobrine’s sake, Dream.” Tommy dragged a palm down his face. He didn’t want to listen. Exhaustion breathed into his bones. “You and your huge IQ are giving me a headache.”

Dream chuckled. His voice lost its intensity, maybe he had some pity for him after all. “I’m just saying how it is, Tommy. The best option is always to talk it out with them.”

_ No, it’s not.  _ Tommy wasn’t interested in hearing any more of Dream’s smartass remarks. He came here to be on his own journey and so it will be.

“Just- please let me stay. If nothing else, I at least want to try living alone. I won’t rat you out for knowing I ran away and keeping your mouth shut. I don’t know what else to do, Dream.” He felt pathetic, blabbering like an idiot, pinned to the spot by Dream’s hidden gaze.

“Promise you won’t get into trouble?”

Tommy’s breath hitched. “Oh, Dream. They don’t call me Tommytrusty for nothing. You have my word.”

“Don’t make me regret it,” Dream warned playfully.

It was unbelievable how easily he agreed after that whole lecture. But Tommy was not going to look the gifted horse in the mouth. So long as he got to stay here, he was content.

Dream brought him out into a small hall that led them directly to a room filled with chests and various tools and armour displays. Tommy stared at the shiny netherite with unmasked jealousy. He’d love to have one in the future too. Other than that, it was just as bland as the previous one. To get outside, they had to crawl through a narrow tunnel. Admitably, it was a cool way to hide a base. At once they stood in a small hollow and  _ fuck _ , was Dream’s base was almost directly behind his?

Tommy squinted at the sunlight. “What the… how long was I asleep?” The sun was rising, but when him and Tubbo went mining it was late afternoon.

“Pretty much the whole night. You robbed me of my sleep.”

Did Dream seriously stay up the whole night watching over him? Tommy would have almost felt touched if it weren’t for the reason it happened in the first place.

“At least I didn’t get into a week-long coma, I guess.”

After what was an unsettlingly short walk, they came to stand before Tommy’s dirt shack. It stood just as he left it, like an animal den, which wasn’t very good. And seriously, he would have built his base elsewhere if he knew he’d have Dream breathing down his neck. But this place was already his and Tommy was not exchanging it.

“Well, I’m gonna go catch up on some sleep. If you need something, tell me. Or anyone. They were all worried about you,” Dream said. The autumn wind almost carried his words away. “Bye then! And remember what you promised!” He called over his shoulder, leaving down the oak path.

He was  _ definitely  _ not going to ask for anymore help.

“Shut up, Dream and go get your beauty sleep!”

Once Dream disappeared from the view, Tommy entered his base. The doors had been rudely left open, but thankfully no mobs were inside. He avoided looking at the ladder leading under-ground and went straight for his backpack, which someone left leaned against the far wall. He had completely forgotten about it. The inside was still filled with the ores him and Tubbo had collected down in the cave. 

This whole situation felt strange. Back home, there was no way his brothers would have let him off with what could be barely called a slap on the wrist after almost getting himself killed. Tommy grinned and placed iron into his single furnace. Not like it was anything to complain about.

It was time to get his shit together, no matter what Dream thought, he could do this. But first, he needed to make sure Tubbo was truly still breathing.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! hope you enjoyed <3 btw. i might be a little slow in putting out chapters mainly because editing takes me forever. im never content with what i write lol
> 
> (pssst! is there something you liked or something you think i should improve?)


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